I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
