You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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