we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
