A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
