I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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