I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
