I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
