What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
