Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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