just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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