i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
