is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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