So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
