Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize