Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i love accidental penises.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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