The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
