dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
