so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
