I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize