here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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