Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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