woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
