i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
