oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Damn victory sex feels great
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
