don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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