as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
