My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
