Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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