Just took my morning after pill in the library
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
