alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
