Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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