do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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