in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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