Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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