I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
