I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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