Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
