Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The uberlube is also flammable
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
