Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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