How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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