I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
