This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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