An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
