the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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