Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize