If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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