so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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