the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
