So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
