he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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