we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
