I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am naked and annoyed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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