It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
