he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
