My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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