i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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