Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
