Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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