honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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