I am puke
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
