Jerry, you need to find god
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
