If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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