the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
