counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
