he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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