Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
