My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
