my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Every concussion has its silver lining
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
