when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
