Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
