They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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