thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
