My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
