i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
