He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize