She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
