You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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