are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
