Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mom said you looked used
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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