so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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