and she was petting her beer can
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
