its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
