i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
