Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
