I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
