you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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