WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize