We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
