Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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