Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
