he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
