He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
