i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
