I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
