i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize