Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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