I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
