I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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