You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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